In my latest article, I wrote about the importance of building an authentic life for ourselves and this time I wanted to share a bit more about how I am attempting to create that for myself. I have given it a lot of thought over the past few years and came to the conclusion that there were four key steps to consider in order to slowly move towards a more authentic way of living. It’s not a full proof method by any means but it’s been working quite well for me so far.
Human connection is vital to our wellbeing. From a very young age, we learn to adapt our behaviour to please the people in our life and to strengthen our sense of belonging in the world. We create a persona for ourselves to feel loved, valued and accepted.
This sense of personal identity we create for ourselves is what psychologists define as the ego. It is an ideal that we identify with, influenced by all the thoughts, ideas and behaviours we have internalised over time.
But if we want to build an authentic life for ourselves, we need to learn how to distinguish between what we really want and the things we have been taught to want.
Young children don’t need to be told to be authentic, they automatically are. Try telling a kid they have to do something and they’ll hit you back with an endless series of “why?”
But as we get older, we change in order to fit in and slowly start losing sight of our true selves.
Here’s a quick practice:
Anytime you tell yourself things such as “I have to …”, “I can’t…” or “I should…”, ask yourself, why do I believe that? Try and dig as deep as you can and often you’ll see that the answer will surprise you.
What I have realised personally is that if I can’t find a meaningful answer to this question, that particular behaviour is probably not serving me and should be changed.
At some point, you just realise that every “should” just adds unnecessary pressure on our psyche.
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Working on identifying thoughts or behaviours we have taken from others and that no longer work for us is not an easy process. But it’s a great way to make space for what really lights us up and feels aligned.
Have you ever asked yourself what your purpose was?
If you had to list your core values what would they be?
If you had to describe yourself in one sentence what would you say?
PS: You get a bonus point if your sentence doesn’t include your job title.
These are all questions that we rarely if ever ask ourselves, yet they are so important.
Your purpose and your values are your compass for life. They help you determine whether a decision feels right or doesn’t. Oftentimes, when someone is dissatisfied with the state of their life, it is because their current situation is in opposition with one or more of their core values.
I started doing this work for myself around 6 years ago, the first time I worked with a coach. I had studied brand purpose and brand values for so long at university, yet it never occurred to me that the same work could be done for people. It was a very enlightening exercise, one that I go back to regularly and now do with my own clients.
The path of least resistance will always be the one that feels the most aligned. And gaining clarity on who you are and what you stand for will make it so much easier for you to find the right path for you.
This step is about getting out of your comfort zone and trying new experiences that feel exciting, expanding the image you have of yourself in your head.
Sometimes we get curious or excited about things but it doesn’t make any sense so we don’t pursue it. Or it feels like something other people would do and you believe you’re definitely not that kind of person. Try and remember the last time this happened to you.
What I have learned is that nothing is ever random and if your soul gets you excited about something, it means that it is meant for you to learn or experience. And none of it has to make sense at that moment.
In September, I signed up for an astronomy class at the university of Geneva. There is no logic to it apart from the fact that I am excited about learning more about planets, moons and stars. And who knows one day it might end up being useful to me in some way. But that’s not the point. The point is to follow the excitement.
Get out there and explore new things, ideas and inspirations. Some will become your absolute favourite activities, some will teach you something new about yourself and some will just become a fun story to tell your friends at some point (or not). But the idea is to expose ourselves to different ways to live our life.
Here’s a quick practice:
Make a list of all the things you have been wanting to try or learn in the past few years. No idea is too big, too complicated or too silly at that stage. It’s just about writing down everything that goes through your head.
Once that is done, pick just one of these activities that you feel comfortable with and commit to trying it within the next month. I can almost guarantee that once you have tried that first one you will go back to your list to try something else.
Last year, I ordered a few embroidery kits online because I had seen a friend doing it and really wanted to try. When I tell you that I have now embroidered countless shirts for myself and for friends and am absolutely in love with it. Embroidery has become my go-to activity to express my creativity and I am so grateful I found it.
You’ll never know what your next passion or adventure will be if you don’t open up yourself to it. There are many ways we can discover a new side to ourselves and it doesn’t have to be complicated.
Travelling to discover new cultures and traditions
Reading to immerse yourself into new worlds and experiences
Stimulating your creativity through new hobbies and activities
Trying out new rituals and ways of living to feel better
Embrace the unknown and let yourself be surprised by what comes from it.
I remember when I first started being interested in astrology, I kept it to myself for a long time for fear of being judged. I didn’t want people to think I was the woo-woo type of girl even though there was absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Eventually, I had learned so much about it that I wanted to share my excitement and posted a story on Instagram. To my surprise, many people responded very positively and it was the starting point for really great conversations. It made me realise I had nothing to worry about and if some people judged me for it, then they were most likely not meant to matter in my life.
How could your people find you if you don’t show your true self to the world?
Share your passions, your joys and your weird obsessions with the world, embrace your authentic self wholeheartedly and you’ll find your tribe much faster. You may also inspire one or two people along the way and that’s not nothing.
If you’ve made it to the end of the article, firstly thank you, I am grateful for your time and secondly I am proud of you for committing to living more authentically.
Love,
